More Weenis!

Image from the CDC syphilis site, not the short.Welcome, won't you?

I watched Damaged Goods last night, and it did not disappoint on the implied weenis front. It did kind of disappoint on the "when and where the hell are everyone in relation to everyone else" front, but I guess you can't have everything. Review here.

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Weenis!Welcome, won't you?

Those of you who (like me) didn't happen to check the Rifftrax blog between one and three p.m. yesterday apparently missed some crazy live riffing good times. As an experiment, the Rifftrax guys charged ten cents a piece to watch them pile on a remedial Home Ec short called Cooking: Terms and What They Mean. While I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't get to see it, I am pleased to see that their servers appear to have survived this time. A pre-recorded version ought to become available shortly.

While we're waiting for that one, they've released a short called Damaged Goods, which, as the name would imply, is about your weenis. Proper care and grooming of your weenis is no doubt encouraged. Getting drunk is discouraged, as this may cause you to wield your weenis in an unsanitary manner, and the last thing anyone wants is a diseased weenis. Can you tell I like to say "weenis"? Weenis! Grab it (the short) here.

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Safety is Just a Tragic Classroom Accident Turned Upside-Down

It takes more muscles to be reckless than it does to be safe.Welcome, won't you?

Primary Safety: In the Classroom would like you to know that even the simple act of tying your shoelaces can be deadly if done improperly. Good thing little Bill is there with his bandolier and safety signs, or we'd never know which side of the hall to walk on. Check out the review here.

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RVOD063 Snap Out Of It!

(1951, Educational/Short, b&w)


Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy

Kill your problem! Kill it dead!

Rating: **1/2

In a Nutshell:

Howard finds his improving grades depressing.


Snap!  Snap, I say!  Snap like you've never snapped before!Howard’s used to getting straight C’s, but last quarter he worked so darn hard that he feels he deserves an A. He gets a B instead and falls into a depressive slump, refusing to give his report card to father for signature.

Weeks pass, and Howard’s teacher grows increasingly annoyed by the non-returned status of his report card. She finally sends Howard to the principal’s office to discuss the issue. Principal Mustache listens to Howard’s story and tells him... um... I guess the point is that you should always try your hardest but not expect too much from yourself. I think...

Interspersed, we see a number of examples in which a number of Howard’s classmates throw fits or fall into depression over efforts whose results fail to meet their expectations; all of which more or less completely fail to illustrate Principal Mustache’s point. You know, whatever that might be. Howard finally takes his report card home to his father, who shrugs and signs it like it’s no big deal.


A 3.0 grade point average?  Death is too good for you, son.This is where I’m supposed to point out where fifties pop psychology fails to live up to the pop psychology of today, but to do that I’d have to understand just what the hell the short is trying to say.

So, you should try hard, but not too hard, and you should always align your expectations with reality, even if you don’t know what that is. Oh, and you’re not allowed to be frustrated by failure. You’re supposed to expect it and, I dunno, revel in it, I guess. Always try your best, kids! Just keep in mind that your best won’t be all that great, you pathetic losers.

It’s worth noting that this is a film from the same series (and even features the same principal) as the previously Rifftrax’d Act Your Age.

The riffers take aim at the short’s strangely aggressive title, depressive tone and vaguely defeatist message. Mike starts off by subtitling the short “What the Hell’s Wrong with People, Anyway?” As Howard leaves the classroom in a funk to go and see the principal, Kevin says, “Class, while Howard’s gone, I’d like you each to share something you find repellent about Howard.” As the short winds to a close, Bill sums it up nicely with, “Strive to be mediocre, but don’t bother anyone when you fail.” It’s a puzzling short with decent enough riffing; worth a chuckle or two.

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Tall and pale and old and sparkly, the boy from Ipanema, er, Forks goes walking...Welcome, won't you?

I think... Maybe... Well... Twilight Rifftrax... I wrote... I guess it's a review... You can read it... Um... Here... Awful... Film... Great, uh, commentary, though... Er... Line?

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RVOD062 What About Juvenile Delinquency?

(1955, Educational/Short, b&w)


Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy

Confine your beatings of bald guys only to those who absolutely deserve it.

Rating: ***

In a Nutshell:

Jamie quits his gang when they beat up his dad by mistake.


[Once again, I’ve recycled the summary from the first time I reviewed this short.]

Sure, that sounds like a good idea.A gang of no-good hoodlums cruises through town, repeatedly rear-ending a Buick that has the audacity to stop at a stop sign. The driver somehow thinks it wise to get out and confront them. The sneering nogoodniks beat him up and steal his pencil. Meanwhile the driver’s son Jamie is waiting for his friends to arrive. From the homemade lightning badge on his jacket we see that he too is a no-good hoodlum. He and his friends go to a diner where they show off the ill-gotten pencil. Jamie recognizes it, tears off his patch, and quits the gang in a huff.

The next day in school, the gang delivers a menacing apology and demands that he return to their ranks. Jamie is in the process of refusing when all the most important kids in school show up (the class president, the captain of the football team, etc.) and ask that he go with them to the city council, which even now is meeting to restrict such important teenage freedoms as sock hops and sporting events. Jamie goes with them and, with his no-good former friends eavesdropping at the door, steps forward to deliver what will no doubt be a solemn and pithy opinion on the subject of delinquency. Fortunately, the short ends before we’re forced to listen to it.


Hand-sewn gang patch courtesy Miss Kelly's first grade class.So, authority figures of the fifties believed that gangs were basically overlarge Cub Scouts with chips on their shoulders? For some reason, I find that adorable. Wrongheaded but adorable.

This is the second time Kevin and Mike have riffed this one (Bill’s the only one fresh to the material) and astonishingly, they manage to avoid repeating jokes. Sometimes, this is at the expense of content that is just begging for mockery—for example, no one mentions Jamie’s ridiculous highwater pants because they already made fun of them in the MST3K version—but mostly they find new ways of looking at the situations. When we see our first close-up of the elementary school-quality lightning bolt badges, Mike calls them, “The fearsome electric fried egg gang”. When the battered Dad struggles to explain his injuries, Bill says, “I blame Elvis and his obscene hip gestures”. As the Very Important High School Student Squad continues to thrust their heads toward the camera, Kevin speculates that they “prefer to be halfway in our mouths”. They wink at the fact that this is old material only once, when Mike explains a character’s mysterious foreknowledge of events with, “I’ve seen this before”. Even if you’ve seen the old version already, this one’s different and funny enough to make it worth picking up.

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Belated Catch-All Post

Sign issued by the saddest traffic zoning commission in the world.Welcome, won't you?

Four things I should have done on Friday, but did not:

1) There's a new Rifftrax short called Primary Safety in the School Building. Check out the frowny face stop sign action.

2) The collection of black and white three-riffer do-over DVDs has expanded with new DVDs for Swing Parade, Plan 9 from Outer Space, Missile to the Moon, House on Haunted Hill and Carnival of Souls. $9.95 each, buy any five of the nine currently available (a number that includes the $14.99 Best of Rifftrax Shorts Volume I) and you get a $10 gift certificate. Still a good deal, if you don't mind your movies in black and white.

3) Alert reader E.P. Haury has pointed me towards Shout Factory's YouTube channel, on which they have posted all four Film Crew releases. Check it out.

4) Wish my sister a happy birthday. Happy birthday, Kate!

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In method four, she dresses in a bear costume and gets punched by Nicolas Cage.Welcome, won't you?

Let's take a hypothetical scenario. Let's say that Skenderberg (a.k.a. "me") posts a review of the latest Rifftrax short, You & Your Family. Do you:

a) Click the link above and read said review,

b) Mutter "subliterate hack" under your breath while deleting his site from your bookmarks, or

c) Put on a leopard suit and sing La Traviata?

Remember, there are no right or wrong answers.

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Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment to Sparkle Power

Ze glittah cannot ovahpowah ze ahteest.Welcome, won't you?

Two things:

1) The Twilight Rifftrax is out. Download and bask in Edward Diggory's twinkly glory!

2) The Empire Strikes Back review has been posted. It features the big three, plus Chad Vader, who's actually semi-smart in it. It's every bit as good as the excellent Episode IV Rifftrax.

So, one review up, and now a new one to write. I'm still two reviews behind! A You & Your Family review will be coming soon.

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RVOD061 Cooking Terms and What They Mean

(1949, Educational/Short, b&w)


Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy

Should a person who doesn't know what “boil” means even be allowed near an open flame?

Rating: ***1/2

In a Nutshell:

Margie doesn’t know how to cook. She should read a cookbook.


'Breathing' is something you should never stop doing while cooking.  You should also ensure that your heart continues beating.Brand-new wife Margie returns from her honeymoon, sends her husband off to work, and settles down to make him his favorite dinner: chocolate cake. But the cook book is so darn full of long, confusing words. Technical, erudite culinary jargon like “cream” confuses and terrifies her. When the recipe asks her to “cream the butter”, for instance, Margie’s tiny brain somehow interprets the operative word (cream) as a noun instead of a verb. Despite the lack of measurements pertaining to the use of said cream (the substance), she just pulls out a pitcher and dumps it in, diluting her batter beyond usability. Frustrated by her confectionary failure, she slumps down in front of the cookbook to see if she can puzzle out where she went wrong.

At this point, the narrator takes over to explain that cream (the verb) means to beat a fatty substance such as butter until creamy. An unnamed but far more competent housewife takes over to demonstrate the definition of many such fancy, high-falutin’ cooking terms, including “boil”, “stir” and “bake”. Finally, Margie gets to the back of the cookbook where she finds a handy glossary. Hurrah! Her cake is saved! The new cake she’s about to make after throwing the old one away, that is.


Baaaaaaa!It’s Margie’s first day of homemaking, and she doesn’t even know what “boil” means? Let’s consider the possibilities:

a) She was raised in unimaginable wealth and privilege, never having to lift a finger around the house or in a kitchen. Then she married a relatively poor (i.e. middle-class) man that daddy didn’t approve of, was disowned, and now has to learn to live as one of the unwashed masses.

b) She is a Stepford-esque sex droid invented by her “husband”, who programmed her with the ability to entertain him, but, being a man from the forties, thought that the ability to do housework was just sort of implied by the breasts. Or in her case, by the mechanical, breast-shaped protuberances.

c) She is relentlessly, hopelessly stupid.

Option "c" is most likely, I’ll grant you, but if it’s the one that applies, then all the cookbooks in the world won't be enough to save her. Educational videos probably won’t help much either. Keep in mind that Margie represents this short film’s target audience, though. So, either the filmmakers thought their remedial little cinematic cooking course cured congenital idiocy, or this one’s for all you disowned heiresses and inadequately programmed sex robots out there.

The riffers kick off the commentary by adding cooking terms of their own. Important kitchen jargon such as, “Where the Hell’s My Dinner, Woman?” (Bill) as well as “Fancy terms, such as Easy Cheese” (Mike). When the narrator explains how to boil water, Kevin clarifies, “Water is an odorless, tasteless substance.” Later he instructs the inexperienced cook, “Be careful that Hansel and Gretel don’t kick you into the oven.” In a brief overview of candy-making, the narrator goes over something he calls the “sheet test”, only he doesn’t pronounce it quite right, leading to a lot of “baa” noises in the background. The film’s stunningly remedial subject matter provides the opening, and the riffers exploit it to great effect. With the commentary it’s worth watching even for non-heiress/robots like me and (I assume) you.

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One More Thing

I can't stress 'unemotional' enough.Welcome, won't you?

Apparently unwilling to slow down the barrage of shorts for anything, the Rifftrax folks have served up yet another ten-to-fifteen-minute bit of social advice, this time regarding family relationships called You & Your Family. Your family. Do you have some sort of relationship with them? Signs point to yes! Get it here.

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Yippie-Kai-Yay, [Censored]!

The aptly-named but short-lived Volcano Tower.Welcome, won't you?

At last, the Rifftrax Presents section is again complete with this review of Matthew Elliott's commentary for Die Hard. Being British, Mr. Elliott has since robbed the Rifftrax skyscraper and blown the whole place up to cover his tracks. Help rebuild the vast Rifftrax fortune by buying a copy of his commentary today.

I'm still working on the Empire Strike Back review. It ought to be posted early next week.

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Titles For Our Not-Too-Distant Future

Going back to the proud MST3K tradition of mocking movies I've never heard of before.Welcome, won't you?

Update 8:30 p.m.: Okay, so my hunch about the upcoming Cinematic Titanic releases having been retitled has turned out to be correct. Danger on Tiki Island is actually Brides of Blood Island, and East Meets Watts is actually a retitled Dynamite Brothers. Thanks for keeping us up to speed, Sampo.

And now, the original post:

Cinematic Titanic will kick off another tour starting May 15, encompassing Atlanta, Mesa, Philadelphia, Portland and Dallas. (Head down here for all details known thus far.) Sadly, there's nothing closer than a twelve-hour drive from my house, so I won't be attending. What interests me about this annoucement is the revelation of two more upcoming titles: East Meets Watts and Danger on Tiki Island, both of which have either been retitled for CT release or are too obscure even for imdb. These, along with the previously screened Dynamite Brothers and another movie to be named later, will presumably comprise the next run of Cinematic Titanic releases.

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RVOD060 Damaged Goods

(1970-ish?, Educational/Short, color)


Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy

You’re pretty handsome... compared to the guy I did an hour ago.

Rating: **1/2

In a Nutshell:

A night of pornography, prostitutes and drinking ends in syphilis.


Weenis!Four mostly interchangeable young men jump into their sports cars and head down to that seething cauldron of lewdness, Seaview. Peep shows are squinted at, strippers are ogled, and many, many beers are gulped. Outside the strip joint, the jug-eared guy follows a sedately-dressed pimp to a basement-esque brothel, where our intrepid quartet downs coolie cups (i.e. rum drinks) while they’re waiting to be serviced by beehive-coiffed young women. Jug-Eared Guy stumbles off with his chosen princess of the night. Kind of Looks Like Robert Downey Jr. Guy isn’t quite as sure of the wisdom of shtoinking a walking disease vector, but the young lady is persistent, and the inevitable occurs.

A short while later, Kind of Looks Like Robert Downey Jr. Guy discovers a small sore on his weenis. When it doesn’t heal or go away, he starts asking around. Jug-Eared Guy isn’t sympathetic, but Track Coach is concerned enough to hustle his young charge to the doctor. Syphilis is discovered. A cure is promised. Condescending scoldings are issued. Properly contrite expressions are offered in reply.


Who’d have thought they’d do another syphilis short? Hell, who’d have thought they’d do any syphilis shorts at all? How many of these things could there be? I’m guessing I’d find the number surprisingly large. Well, keep ‘em coming. Syphilis is what the older generations who made these films would refer to as “a delicate subject”, a disease whose sources and areas of effect make for such delicious awkwardness that they can’t help but invite mockery. It’s a whole new brand of social guidance film; one that tries entirely too hard to tiptoe around offering social guidance, though this one pauses briefly near the end to shake its head at the victim’s stupidity. I guess they figure their target audience can’t handle any social guidance beyond “please stop spreading disease”.

Unfortunately, Damaged Goods distracts from the roundabout subject matter with some of the most careless editing I’ve ever seen in a professional product. The narrative skips from time to place with very little to indicate movement on the part of the characters. When Kind of Looks Like Robert Downey Jr. Guy confessed his weenis problems to Jug-Eared Guy, I thought they were still at the brothel, moments after enjoying their rousing bouts of purchased coitus. It took about a minute of talk about girlfriends in the bathroom and going home early before I figured out that they were now in a similarly decorated establishment a week or so later. If someone had said “Previously on Damaged Goods” before the whole thing started, the montage of seemingly disconnected scenes that make up this turkey would, well, they wouldn’t have made more sense, but I would have recognized it as a disjointed clip show of a longer work and not worried about it so much.

Much of the Rifftrax commentary has to do with this confusion. As the film abruptly shifts from unrecognizable locale to unrecognizable locale, Mike tries to keep up. “Now they seem to be in some sort of pornographic submarine,” he says. Other good comments have to do with the short’s title, which Kevin subtitles, “The Windows Vista Story,” and Bill’s recipe for a coolie cup: “Rum, whipping cream and cabbage juice with a Double-A battery garnish.” It’s reasonably amusing, but I’ve watched it two times back to back, while the riffers have watched this I don’t know how many times, and we’re all still kind of lost.

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Rifftrax Video On Demand 051 to 060

RVOD051 Swing Parade (Three Riffer Version)

RVOD052 How Much Affection?

RVOD053 Your Chance to Live: Technological Failures

RVOD054 Understanding Your Ideals

RVOD055 As We Like It

RVOD056 Going Steady?

RVOD057 Carnivorous Plants

RVOD058 You & Your Family

RVOD059 Primary Safety in the School Building

RVOD060 Damaged Goods

Just one three-riffer do-over spills into this section. The rest of it's all shorts, though it seems evenly balanced between staid fifties fare and the stranger stuff of the sixties and seventies. Notable in the latter category is Your Chance to Live: Technological Failures, purported to be a disaster preparedness film, but is actually nonsense of near-dadaist levels. Also, if you like beer, you should probably know that the makers of As We Like It like it more than you do. A lot more.

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It's Marginally Officially Official!

Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Power.Welcome, won't you?

There still isn't a poster or an offical site announcement or anything [Update: there is now], but this Youtube clip confirms what was already announced, an upcoming Rifftrax for Sparkle Power! ... er, Twilight. The alt text for that video announces the release date as April 21, 2009. Mark your calendars accordingly.

In other news, reviews of the commentaries for Die Hard (decent) and Empire Strikes Back (hilarious) will be up just as soon as I can get them cobbled together and posted.

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RVOD059 Primary Safety: In the School Building

(1960-ish?, Educational/Short, color)


Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy

All rough edges will be ground down. Conform!

Rating: **1/2

In a Nutshell:

Safety-conscious second graders watch each other closely.


Sign issued by the saddest traffic zoning commission in the world.Bill’s teacher hands him a bandolier and a pair of signs. If he sees someone using good safety practices, he should hold up the smiling green sign. If he sees someone acting in an unsafe manner, he should hold up the frowning red sign. This excites the rest of the class for some reason, and they all join in the witch hunt for unsafe behavior. Leaning back in chairs is not permitted. You shouldn’t hold your pencil/scissors/sharp object point up either. Running around in incorrectly-tied shoes is another no-no. Walk to the right of the hall, except around doors, and use the handrails. Now let’s recap! Now let’s recap again!


Safety’s pretty important, I’ll admit. Unfortunately, it’s kind of dull, too. Most safety shorts have enough good sense to spice things up with chipmunk-voiced aliens, catchy guitar licks or hideous papier-mache monkey masks. This short’s gimmick is a pair of signs. Yep, that’s it. A pair of signs. Go nuts, kid.

The commentary is pretty much what you would expect for a film of this age and subject matter. In the midst of a flurry of advice, Kevin tells us, “Be sure to wear your pants safely, just below the armpits.” As the children leave the right side of the hall to carefully skirt a classroom door, Bill says, “This is the rabid dog storage room.” When the narrator asks how we should carry sharp objects, Mike replies, “With a broad, downward stabbing motion.” While the commentary doesn’t completely rescue the short, it does raise it from “deathly dull” to “averagely funny.”

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Chad is Kevin's Father

Would Chad rather kiss a wookiee?Welcome, won't you?

The commentary for Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back has been released, and if nothing else, it sets a new record for "Most Riffers in a Single Rifftrax." (The title of "Most Riffers Ever" still stands at five for every Cinematic Titanic release thus far). Tune in to hear Mike, Bill and Kevin take the hand of Chad Vader. Together, they end this destructive conflict and rule over The Empire Strikes Back as Riffers and Internet Sitcom Star.

Also, the flu-delayed review for Carnivorous Plants has been posted. Enjoy!

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The Most Difficult Death

Apparently, all authority figures are morons.Welcome, won't you?

After a lengthy break, Rifftrax Presents finally returns with a long-awaited riff from the Man Who Started It All (if, by "Man Who Started It All", you mean "First Guy to Make a Rifftrax Without Mike"). Matthew Elliott riffs the eighth Harry Potter film, Die Hard, in which an aging Harry must use all the wizardly hijinks at his disposal to stop Snape from blowing up a muggle skyscraper. Check it out.

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Another Nail in Star Wars' Coffin

Please don't let Mr. Lucas out of that carbonite.Welcome, won't you?

When they said on Twitter that they were going to riff Twilight, I guess the Rifftrax folk meant the Twilight from 1980, starring Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill. You know, back when it was called The Empire Strikes Back. Either that, or they were just planning on doing Twilight sometime in the near future, with no reference as to whether or not it would actually be next.

Anyway, the rifftrax for Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back will be released on Tuesday, April 14. 2009, and will feature Mike, Bill and Kevin along with the return of special guest riffer, Chad Vader. Twilight will probably be along, you know, someday.

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RVOD058 You & Your Family

(1946, Educational/Short, b&w)


Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy

Kind of like Rashomon. Like a rash, anyway.

Rating: ***1/2

In a Nutshell:

A multiple choice video test on how to deal with your family.


The answer is d) Teach a whale to roller-skate.Mary wants to go to a dance out at the lake, but her parents say she’s too young. What should she tell the young man on the phone?

a) That she can’t go,
b) That he should come over and hang out at her house instead, or
c) That he should wait silently under her window at an appointed hour until she can sneak out and join him?

Dramatizations of each possible choice ensue. Thereafter, we see similarly structured questions regarding possible outcomes of lying, apologizing, or just refusing explanation to one’s father upon crawling home after carousing all night. Also addressed: the question of what sort of excuse one should use to avoid helping mother with the dishes.


In method four, she dresses in a bear costume and gets punched by Nicolas Cage.For a film that purports to present an array of moral dilemmas for classroom discussion, it sure is playing with a stacked deck. If I were to make a career counseling film on a similar model, the first question would probably go something like this:

When you grow up, to you want to:

a) Dedicate your life to feeding the hungry and alleviating the suffering of the infirm,
b) Kick puppies for a living, or
c) Murder pregnant women and feast on their barbequed fetuses?

Remember, there are no right or wrong answers.

That said, I like it better than most mid-century social guidance films because it actually finds a fresh way to approach what must, even at the time, have been tired and well-worn subject matter.

I also like this Rifftrax more than I do most of commentaries these old black and white moral education films inspire. The strange “Choose Your Own Adventure” format appears to provoke wilder comments than normal, many of them regarding invasive surveillance, undead relatives and hyperintelligent bears. When the “dulcet-voiced narrator” (Kevin’s words) says that the older son, Bill, can choose to do anything, riffer Bill replies, “Like training a whale to roller-skate?” while Kevin says, “Bill aspires to be a rodeo clown.” When the narrator closes by saying that applying the teachings learned in the course of viewing can lead to a happy home life, Mike adds, “Unless you live in Wisconsin, in which case you should abandon hope and drink.” It’s a decent educational film, with one of the weirder commentaries I’ve heard them do.

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The Wolves Have Planted Spies Within Our Midst!

Insert obligatory 'Feed me, Seymour' joke here.]Welcome, won't you?

Get it? Get it? 'Cause the disguised wolves can, in fact, be referred to as (drumroll please) Carnivorous Plants! Ha, ha, ha, *cough*, ahem...

Yes, it's a terrible joke, and I ought to be deeply ashamed. I'll pencil that shame into my calendar, to be experienced at a later date. In the meantime, Rifftrax has released another short, this one about insectivorous vegetation. Check it out, won't you?

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What Do You, the Audience at Home, Think?: The Movie

They're exclusively dating non-exclusively.Welcome, won't you?

Going Steady is staid and fifties and black and white, just as we all knew it would be. It is also infuriatingly non-specific. I think it wants to talk about sex (specifically: not having it), but that's just a guess on my part. Re: the post title, I could just as easily have called it Generic Question Mark: The Movie. The commentary's decently funny, though. Review here.

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Little Night of the Reefer

Shambling, riffing creatures of the night...Welcome, won't you?

One more quick update before the weekend. Rifftrax has repackaged three of their three-riffer do-overs (Reefer Madness, Little Shop of Horrors and Night of the Living Dead) as DVDs. They're only $9.95 a pop, and come with a $5.00 gift certificate to the Rifftrax store if you buy all three at once.

The cloud behind this silver lining, however, is that they use the public domain black and white films instead of the colorized Legend Films versions. Though, if you're a black and white purist, that might actually be the silver lining. Depends on what your priorities are, I guess. I'm fine with my On Demand video files, but for people who prefer professionally pressed DVDs and don't mind the lack of color, this is a pretty good deal. Check it out.

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Cancer Farts?

I just can't love a man who won't keep his vehicle from swerving erratically.Welcome, won't you?

New Friday, new short. This one's called Going Steady?, and I think it's about monogomy, or maybe the ability to steer a car. Pick it up here.

Also, I've posted a review of As We Like It, a Shakespearean-ly named short whose sole purpose is to remind us that there is such a thing as beer. All it's missing is a segment where the audience at home has to clap their hands and believe in beer as hard as they can to keep it from slipping out of existence.

Also, also: Please have a look at this non-beer-related screen capture from As We Like It.

What the hell?
Have I gone completely mad, or is the pamphlet in the upper right titled, "Cancer Farts for Women"?

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Talking to the Dog: The Movie

Can't you just let grandma die?Welcome, won't you?

I managed to recover most of my lost Understanding Your Ideals review, so here it is. Apparently, in order to understand our ideals, we need to talk about them at length to our dogs. Scraping up a little compassion for injured relatives seems to help a little too. But most importantly, one must always take care to remain deathly dull at all times.

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