I'm Guessing This Requires At Least $500 Worth of Product Per Month

A good foundation and just a spritz of virginal blood are both essential.Welcome, won't you?

Do you wake up every morning, look at your naked face in the mirror and wonder, "What would Constance Bennett do?" I might, if I knew who Constance Bennett was. I think she might be a Pride and Prejudice character. Get ready to make yourself up Jane Austen-style with Constance Bennett's Daily Beauty Rituals, now available from Rifftrax. Review coming soon.

Also, the latest email blast says the next Rifftrax Presents will be Planet of the Apes, riffed by that mad genius from across the pond, Matthew Elliott. I don't see a product page up yet, so I can't tell you exactly when it's being released, or whether he'll be ragging on Mark Wahlberg or Charleton Heston, but I'll let you know as soon as I find out.

Update: It's next Tuesday (September 1, 2009) and Charleton Heston.