8/11/09

RVOD075 Constance Bennett's Daily Beauty Rituals

(1937, Educational-Short, color)

Riffers:

Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett

Stop saying “stimulation!”

Rating: **1/2

In a Nutshell:

Constance Bennett puts on makeup.

Summary:

A good foundation and just a spritz of virginal blood are both essential.Constance Bennett gets out of bed, washes her face, puts on a mask, defends Gotham City from deformed criminals by night... No, wait. Not that kind of mask. It’s actually a beauty mask, followed by a bath, then foundation, rouge and lipstick.

Thoughts:

She skipped eyeliner and eye shadow... I think... Look, I took two semesters of makeup in college to get my theater degree, okay? Don’t judge me. Or at least take that into account when you judge me.

Anywho, according to Wikipedia, Constance Bennett was an actress of some renown back in the twenties, thirties and forties. I’ve never heard of her, and unless you’re a bigger film history buff than I am, you probably haven’t either. (It’s not that hard actually; on a one-to-ten scale of film history buffness, I’m only a three point two.) Not that she doesn’t have good make-up tips for us. Well, okay, she doesn't. It’s pretty much the barest essentials of makeup application, committed to film for the novelty of hearing them mouthed by the great and famous (for the time) Constance Bennett. A modern equivalent might be a short film titled Keanu Reeves Gets in Shape, in which the titular star shows us how he walks by leaning forward and then moving his feet to stay underneath him.

A few of my favorite comments from the riffers: When the title displays, Bill says, “The sequel—‘Keith Richards Presents his Daily Beauty Rituals’—[was] less well received.” Ms. Bennett’s stilted pronunciation of the word “bath” leads Kevin to comment, “Her baath is starting to bag the hull out of me.” When she says that her mask cream gives her face that certain glow, Mike clarifies, “A glow that says ‘I just dusted myself with sausage grease.’” The short isn’t really bad or weird enough to inspire much in the way of mockery. It's not that it does anything wrong; it just doesn’t do anything right either.