5/31/10

RP020 Armageddon

(1998, Action/Drama/SciFi, color)

Riffers:

Matthew J. Elliott

In space, no one can hear you scream over the sound of the explosions.

Rating: ***1/2

In a Nutshell:

Oil drillers save the world from a giant asteroid.

Summary:

Perhaps the most nondescript Row of Faces poster ever.Asteroids destroy New York. Alarmed, the President seeks answers. Head of NASA Billy Bob Thornton (whose character is probably named something different, as if that mattered in a film like this) confirms that more are on the way, including a Texas-sized rock that will extinguish all life on Earth in only eighteen days.

The solution: hire a team of oil well drillers to fly into space, drill a hole and drop in a nuclear device that will split the asteroid in two, allowing the halves to pass harmlessly to either side of the planet. The fact that the world’s best oil drillers are a colorful crew of man-child sociopaths headed by Bruce Willis is apparently not an issue.

Said crew misbehaves during physical exams, asks pointedly stupid questions during briefings and fails all the non-drilling tests during the lengthy training montage. Despite their billing as The Best in the World, they fail half the drilling tests as well. Now it’s time for an even lengthier farewell montage, as the various crew members say goodbye to their various estranged family members. (You didn’t ask, but no, the part when Liv Tyler makes animal cracker love to Ben Affleck while her real-life father shrills a love ballad is not at all creepy*.) The montage section comes to a close with the slow-motion manly walk montage to end all slow-motion manly walk montages, in which the drillers and astronauts drift manly-ly towards their space shuttles for approximately three hundred and seventy-two continuous minutes. Then they get slow-motion strapped into their chairs for four hundred and eighty-three minutes more.

Manly walkin'.Since he annihilated New York, auteur Michael Bay has shown remarkable restraint, allowing only one explosion every ten minutes or so, with one lapse to rain fiery death down on Shanghai. With the mission finally underway, however, the next seven hours of film consist entirely of gratuitous explosions and even more gratuitous countdown timers right up to the point where the asteroid hole is finally dug and Bruce Willis stays behind to detonate the nuke. The rest of the survivors make it home for an only thirty-seven minute-ish slow-motion manly walk montage among their newly reconciled family members. I’m pretty sure Liv Tyler marries Ben Affleck during the closing credits (while her real-life father continues to shrill), but Mr. Elliott stopped riffing at this point, so I turned it off.

Thoughts:

This movie went on way past my bedtime—hence my urgency to shut it down as quickly as possible and get enough sleep to be functional at work the next day. It would probably wrong of me to admit that I spent the whole night dreaming that the Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck characters had five children who grew up shouting macho nonsense at each other in an unending slow-motion manly walk training montage. All had large countdown timer readouts on their foreheads, at the end of which they detonated one at a time, each self-sacrificing explosion saving the world in a unique way. I’m not admitting to dreaming this, you understand. For all you know, I dreamed of something else.

For all the animal cracker fetishists in the audience.As for the film, I believe I once described the works of Mr. Bay as “chest-thumping, explosion-laced nonsense,” and this certainly fits Armageddon. Despite the rock-stupid plot and hideously long running time, I can’t deny it’s expertly paced. The movie keeps busy, moving the audience along with it at a dead run. If I hadn’t been in a rush to be someplace (in bed), the amount of time I spent in Bay’s brutal, hellish vision would not have bothered me.

British riffer Matthew Elliott wisely does not attempt to shout over Armageddon’s cacophony, instead wedging a wry comment in wherever he can find space. A few favorites: During the destruction of New York he mourns, “The entire population of Earth had only two days to retirement.” Upon the third or fourth mention of the Steve Buscemi character’s extreme horniness, he assures us, “This really is a running gag. It’s just kind of limping right now.” As the mission endures setback after explosion-laced setback, he notes, “Wallace and Gromit could have solved this in the first fifteen minutes.” As the setbacks and narrow escapes continue to fly more than an hour later, he says, “We’ve gone into Nick of Time overtime.” And now I’ve gone over my usual three-quote limit. That means the commentary’s pretty good.

------------

*Yes it is.

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5/29/10

Rifftrax Video On Demand 101 to date

RVOD101 Seat Belts: The Life Saving Habit

RVOD102 Drawing for Beginners: The Rectangle

RVOD103 Kittens: Birth and Growth

RVOD104 Reading: Who Needs It?

RVOD105 Families: Food and Eating

RVOD106 Summer Is an Adventure

RVOD107 Beginning Responsibility: Taking Care of Your Own Things

RVOD108 Reading Growth: Basic Skills

RVOD109 Geography of Your Community

RVOD110 The Parts of Speech

Most of the educational shorts featured on Rifftrax are pretty remedial, but the label particularly applies to this batch. If even a single-celled animal could figure this out on its own, one of the short above will tell you how to do it too. My favorite is The Parts of Speech, mostly because of Bill's hilarious, unfounded hatred for the narrator, but they're all at least decent.

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5/28/10

Community of Your Icecreamery

Welcome, won't you?

Geography of Your Community promises to be about something. Geography, I think, though the product description says it's actually about ice cream factories. Either way, head down to Rifftrax and take a peek at their latest short.

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5/26/10

Caged Amphibious Heat

The frogolution will not be televised.Welcome, won't you?

As an educational film, Reading Growth: Basic Skills does its job quietly and competently, not something you'd expect from a short featured on Rifftrax. It's got a frog on a string, though, so there's that. Review here.

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5/25/10

Shorts, Shorts, Shorts, Shorts, Baked Beans and Shorts

Suggested Future Compilation Titles: Shortsapalooza, Shortszilla, Arnold Shortsenegger, Norman Shortskopf, Some Enchanted Shorts-ning...Welcome, won't you?

Rifftrax has released two new DVD compilations of shorts for $9.95 each. Buy Shorts-A-Poppin' and Rifftrax Plays With Their Shorts together and get two free downloadable shorts. "Two free shorts of your choice," it says, but it doesn't say if you have to choose from past shorts, or if you can save your credit for future shorts. Grab them here.

Edit 5/26/10: Apparently it's a $2 credit to your Rifftrax account, able to be applied to just about anything. Thanks commentor Tony! (see below)

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5/24/10

RVOD112 Values: The Right Thing to Do

(1970, Educational/Short, color)

Riffers:

Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett

A dyslexic Spike Lee joint.

Rating: ***

In a Nutshell:

Killing old people is wrong, kids!

Summary:

I'm confused.  Are they arguing for or against euthanasia?Old Mr. Carson—a semi-paralytic, junk-hoarding old hermit in the first stages of dementia—wanders the neighborhood looking for more junk to hoard. He finds the skeleton of an old stroller, still with four perfectly good old wheels. He brings it home and throws it on the junk pile for later. We watch him go about his pathetic and somewhat unsanitary dinnertime routine.

Meanwhile, a group of oddly dressed eight-to-ten-year-old kids aimlessly wanders the neighborhood, looking for something to do. They happen upon Old Man Carson’s house. For some reason, one of them decides he wants the stroller husk. Mr. Carson wobbles out of the house to confront them. The boy lets go of the stroller and runs, dislodging a precarious arrangement of irregularly-shaped lumber during his flight. It falls, pinning Mr. Carson to the ground. Most of the boys flee, but a pink-shirted lad remains to hear Mr. Carson’s pleas for help. The boy picks uncertainly at the boards at the top of the pile while he considers. Should he stay and help or leave the old man to his fate?

Thoughts:

I question the educational value of a short that invents a scenario so unlikely that no one can relate to it. You can’t call it a moral dilemma if there isn’t a reasonable (or, at least, a reasonable-sounding) argument to be made for both sides of the issue. Would any of the kids in the audience seriously consider leaving the old man to die? Maybe one or two would. I contend, however, that the child who has to be warned away from manslaughter needs more help than a mere educational short film can provide.

A few favorite comments: When the narrator describes Mr. Carson’s yard as “different”, Bill explains, “And by ‘different’ I mean ‘nightmare-inducing’ and ‘against God’.” As Mr. Carson pulls his junk-collecting wagon haltingly through town, Mike says, “Mr. Carson is much better at pulling wagons than staying on them,” while Kevin describes him as “Zombie Don Knotts.” Also included is a discussion about whether wearing a pink shirt with the word “love” on the back can be considered “the right thing to do”. It’s a strange little short that botches its message pretty badly, but the riffers mostly save it from the junk pile.

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5/21/10

Everyone Else's Things Can Go Straight to Hell

A new and alarmingly literate form of cancer.Welcome, won't you?

Beginning Responsibility: Taking Care of Your Own Things is a hallucinatory little fever dream of a short about animate toys with strangely mellow voices. And yet it is not a drug awareness film. Go figure. Read my review here.

Not willing to let me grow fat and complacent, Rifftrax has released another short today, with a second warning about reading. Are they trying to tell us something? Grab Reading Growth: Basic Skills here.

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5/20/10

I Was a Teenage Were-Swamp Thing

An early precursor to Japanese tentacle porn.Welcome, won't you?

Cinematic Titanic deigns to favor us with another morsel on June 15, 2010 with Danger on Tiki Island, featuring all the naked dismemberment you could ever want to see. I'm looking forward to seeing a version where I can understand all the lines. Also, new tour dates have been added. I'll try to go and see them again when they come back to San Francisco on August 3, 2010. Click here for details.

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5/19/10

RVOD111 Watch Out For My Plant

(1984, Educational/Short, color)

Riffers:

Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett

Remedial Botany: The Motion Picture

Rating: **

In a Nutshell:


A little kid tends a plant.

Summary:

It's a mean green mutha from outer space and it's bad.A kid buys a plant. He stops on the way home to show it to his outrageously accented (Russian? Greek?) neighbor Papa Nikolai. Mr. Nikolai sagely recommends “sun, lots of sun,” and gives the kid a big can of dirt. The kid clears the weeds out of his tiny front yard and puts his plant in the ground. Weeks later, it has bloomed into a beautiful flower. Someone steps on it and it dies. The kid buys a new plant.

Thoughts:

Most internet references to this film fix the date at 1984, so that’s the one I went with above. One lone listing said 1972, though, which seems a bit more plausible to me. Why? Seventies or no, Watch Out For My Plant reflects that decade’s loathing for education as much as any short we’ve seen. The kid buys a plant, it dies, so he buys another one. Have we learned anything? No. Instruction has not even been attempted. Have we been entertained? Well, it’s ten continuous minutes of a solitary child squatting in the dirt, so no. At least, I wasn’t. The thought that someone out there might be is actually kind of disturbing.

A few favorite comments: When the kid walks out of the plant store empty-handed, Mike says, “It seems they don’t have mutant superplants that do my evil bidding.” As the child’s plant-tending montage stretches onward, Mike says, “This is one of those Andy Warhol real-time art films, isn’t it?” When the kid returns to the plant store at the end, Kevin sums up the short with, “If at first you don’t succeed, buy and kill another plant.” The riffing’s okay, but the slow, empty short drags the commentary down with it.

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Our Unspeakably Dangerous Death Trap Isn't Safe Anymore!

Diggory looks a little freaked out, there.Welcome, won't you?

Harry Potter riffs are always good times, and the one for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire doesn't disappoint. In this episode, Harry battles a leering ghost girl, a pre-sparkly undead guy and a noseless herpetologist to save his beloved abattoir school a fourth consective year. Not that anyone ever thanks him for it. Review here.

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5/18/10

mr.bungle mr.bungle mr.bungle mr.bungle...

Everyone else's things can go straight to hell.Welcome, won't you?

From the series that brought us Mr. Bungle comes a brand new Rifftrax short, this time addressing the very pressing issue of things. Do you have things? If so, do you take care of them? No? Then you, my friend, need to watch Beginning Responsibility: Taking Care of Your Own Things. Grab it here.

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5/17/10

RVOD110 The Parts of Speech

(1962, Educational/Short, color)

Riffers:

Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett

...bleep Dwight Burton.

Rating: ***1/2

In a Nutshell:


Kids play at a beach while a linguistics professor drones in the background.

Summary:

All hail the Ball on High!A Mr. Dwight L. Burton would like us to know the parts of speech. To this end, he narrates a group of children playing beach ball, a game no more complicated than tossing a ball back and forth on a beach. He interrupts the action frequently, mainly to diagram the sentence he just used.

Thoughts:

I guess the short’s reasonably informative, but aside from a couple of chuckle-worthy fifties-era idiosyncrasies—namely, a teenage boy’s diaper-esque swim trunks and a “gay” towel—there’s really nothing especially odd or goofy about it.

Thankfully, the riffers rise to the occasion. The main (and funniest) running joke has to do with Bill’s ever-increasing loathing for our narrator Mr. Burton. Other good comments: When the scene freezes on a shot of the beach ball held aloft, Kevin says, “The ball has spoken. Its word is law!” When the saggy white swim-trunked boy runs into the surf, Mike says, “Keep trying kid, you’ll be potty trained in time for senior prom.” When Kevin’s heartfelt pleas to get the narrator to address the F-bomb fail, Bill says, “Forget it, Kevin. It’s Parts of Speech Town.” As a Rifftrax short, The Parts of Speech should have been average at best, but the riffers deliver, not just keeping up with the short, but seizing the narrative and running away with it.

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Ode to a Grecian Speedboat

Speedboats are red / Also, they're blue...Welcome, won't you?

Did you ever have so much fun on a speedboat that you just wanted to just wanted to bust out with partially-rhymed, meandering free verse? Apparently, it was a short-lived fad in the fifties. Check out my review of the latest Rifftrax short Summer Is an Adventure here.

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5/16/10

RVOD109 Geography of Your Community

(1954-ish, Educational/Short, b&w)

Riffers:

Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett

That’s an odd name for a boy.

Rating: **1/2

In a Nutshell:


Something about an ice cream factory, and a kid named “Farmland.”

Summary:

Dead giraffes taste good with chocolate sauce.Your community is made of geography. Said geography includes houses, factories and a river. It also includes a child named “Farmland,” or, more likely, a kid who ran between the camera and the cornfield while the narrator was saying, “This is farmland.” The narrator also makes a point of asking why all these places, things and people are next to the river. “We’ll get to that question later,” he says. And by “later,” he means “never.”

Thoughts:

What is Geography of Community trying to say? I have no damn idea, but that’s not the least of this short’s sins. The “kid named Farmland” bit made for some funny jokes from the riffers, but it’s actually the result of a huge, glaring, stupid mistake on the part of the filmmakers. You don’t show a picture of X, say “This is Y”, and expect us to pick Y out of the background, and you don’t need experience or a degree in filmmaking to know this. By the time this short was made, people had, by and large, figured out how to use images and words to convey an idea. Some of them did it badly, but they did it. Ed Wood couldn’t tell a story well, but he could tell it.

And speaking of glaring mistakes, I think the word the narrator was searching for was “industry.” Their description of the ice cream factory, the pottery deer factory, etc. and their relationship to the farms/clay pits/motive power of water/what-have-you seem to focus more on business processes than the specifics of the land they occupy. So, yeah. “Industry of Your Community.” I’ve renamed it in my head already.

There are some funny comments: When the narrator asks what we think the truck marked “ice cream” contains, Kevin answers, “Dead giraffes?” Later, as the narrator continues to ask questions that he refuses to answer, Kevin says, “This has more unanswered questions than Lost.” When the narrator notes the nice, broad highway that leaves the unnamed city, Mike says, “It only goes out, for obvious reasons.” It’s a perplexing, horribly inept short made only a little better with riffing.

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5/14/10

J.K.-47

Time to twist the whimsy knob way, way down.Welcome, won't you?

J.K. Rowling's Fiction Dial is labeled "Whimsy" at one end and "Unspeakably Grim" at the other. Watch her twist this dial all the way round in the movie version of her transitional fourth novel Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Watch it with the newly released Rifftrax, of course. Available here.

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5/12/10

Speaking of Indigestion

Eat your mashed potatoes.  Or would you rather tentacles in Japan?Welcome, won't you?

Here's my review of Families: Food and Eating, a multicultural culinary cinema scolding that reminds children everywhere to eat their greens, because of starving children in [insert name of poor country here].

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5/11/10

So Is Indigestion

...and hemorrhoids.Welcome, won't you?

Tuesday brings another Rifftrax short. Helping us gear up for the warmer weather we have Summer Is an Adventure. Grab it here.

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5/10/10

CT010 Danger on Tiki Island

(1968, Horror, color)

This just in: Tree climbs boy.

Rating: **1/2

In a Nutshell:


Radioactive were-mutants terrorize a South Pacific tribe.

Summary:

Two Filipino horror movies thus far, and they both end with someone burning to death.Our heroes’ destination is actually “Blood Island,” no doubt named by way of Filipino truth-in-advertising laws. Elderly biologist Paul, his improbably horny wife Carla and the noble young Jim arrive by boat to research the mutagenic effects of nearby nuclear testing, seduce every reasonably attractive man between the ages of twenty and thirty within a ten mile radius, and teach the underprivileged natives to dig irrigation ditches, respectively.

Paul and Carla take shelter with the local eccentric millionaire, who identifies himself alternately as Esteban, Stebin, Uhstiban, and so on. Inconsistently Named Man lives on a vast estate staffed by the brutish, genie-esque Goro and his much-abused cadre of pygmy body builders.

Back in the village Jim falls for lovely native girl Alma, but trouble looms. Every so often radiation causes the trees to sprout tentacles and the moths to grow fangs while a monster that Joel describes as “a post-fire Michelin Man” emerges to devour the villagers’ latest virgin sacrifice. This seems to happen two to three times a day, so the natives are burning right through their virgins. Soon Alma gets chosen. Jim escapes his restraints to rescue Alma and drive the monster off with a flare gun. No longer welcome in the village, they seek shelter at the estate.

Bachelorette number one, what is your answer?A short time later, Carla notices Esteban stumbling out the gates of his estate in a daze. She follows, hoping to seduce him, but to no one’s surprise (except perhaps Esteban’s) he turns into the monster and rips her limb from limb. Paul, Jim and Alma give chase, but Paul runs afoul of the massive Goro, who cuts him down with his own machete to protect his mutated master. Jim and Alma flee back to the estate, where they meet the newly restored Esteban. Esteban finally realizes that he’s been the monster all along. Desperate to keep his secret, he sends Jim and Alma to hunt Goro on their own. Despite his best efforts, Esteban re-enmonsters and tromps into the night after them. Monster Esteban finds and kills Goro, then chases Jim and Alma back to the village. Jim rallies the villagers to trap their attacker in a burning building. The monster turns back into Esteban and burns to death. Dancing and make-outs ensue.

Thoughts:

I originally saw Danger on Tiki Island live in San Francisco, and wrote a description of that event here. In my write-up I complained that it was often difficult to hear the riffers over the movie and vice versa. At the time I suggested this might be the fault of the venue, but now it looks like I owe the Castro Theater an apology. Similar problems plague the DVD version; my inexpert ear now places the blame on the original film’s soundtrack, which is loud and distorted. Anyone trying to make comments over the top of it sounds muddy by association.

Esteban checks out the buffet.Thankfully, a nice pair of headphones and a bit of concentration will mostly get you around that problem. A few other caveats: Danger on Tiki Island has a few scattered seconds of carefully masked female nudity, several dismemberments and at least half-a-dozen muscle-bound dwarves in
loincloths. If you’re okay with all of the above, then feel free to sit back and enjoy some early Filipino horror at its goofiest, with prehensile banana trees, a normal-sized moth that can kick a grown man’s ass, and a cut-rate Swamp Thing with Angelina Jolie lips.

Also: where did the villagers get all those beautiful virgins? At the rate they were going (two per sacrifice, two to three sacrifices per day) they should have run out months, if not years ago, but there were still more than enough to go round at the post-monster beach party. Do they order them online? Have they been stockpiling them for just such an occasion? Do the radioactive storms make them spring, fully grown, from the jungle?

This is the third live DVD they’ve issued, and except for the sound problems noted above, the format still works pretty well. A few favorite comments: As the pygmies watch our normal-sized heroes pass, Joel speaks for them, “How do they reach things on the ground? It’s weird,” while Frank notes that the pygmies “must be from Micronesia.” As Esteban-Monster bears down on another hapless sacrifice, J. Elvis says, “Monsters come running for the rich taste of girl.” When Jim empties his revolver at the monster and then keeps shooting anyway, Mary Jo wants to know, “Is it a sixteen-shooter?” As we head into the ridiculous happy ending, Trace says, “This is the strangest romantic comedy I’ve ever seen.” The riffing’s decently funny, the movie’s decently goofy and the sound distortion is only mildly distracting, but the net result of all these is a DVD that’s only halfway decent.

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LeVar Burton Does

People who can't decipher this alt text do.Welcome, won't you?

What kind of actor is surpised to discover that her chosen profession requires the reading of scripts? Reading: Who Needs It answers this question definitively--the teenaged and hopelessly naive kind. Fortunately, assistant directors are kind people who routinely track down failed auditionees to give them literacy pep talks. Review here.

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RVOD108 Reading Growth: Basic Skills

(1960s-ish?, Educational/Short/Children, color)

Riffers:

Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett

He doesn’t even question the frog on a string?

Rating: ***

In a Nutshell:


Young Tim learns the several meanings for the word “frontier”.

Summary:

Frog on a string!Tim delivers papers to the teacher of another classroom and watches as the younger kids struggle with basic reading skills. The narrator then walks Tim through a number of more advanced reading skills which combine to help him figure out the various meanings of the world “frontier” from context. One of these reading skills tangentially references a live frog, tied to a bedpost with a length of string.

Thoughts:

An engaging educational short that makes a valid point while imparting valuable instruction almost every step of the way? I’m shocked. Mostly these things are pointless, obvious and/or just plain weird.

A few favorite comments: When Tim opines that a frontier is “sort of a boundary,” Kevin concludes that he’s “reading from the insecure dictionary.” While carefully examining a long paragraph about a messy room, the narrator reveals the existence of the frog on a string, prompting Mike’s, “That took a David Lynch-ian turn.” When the narrator passes over some “easy words,” Bill notes, “They’ll go home with anyone.” Excepting some very brief, amphibian-related strangeness, Reading Growth: Basic Skills plays it pretty straight. When you consider that basic competence is not an especially mockable quality for an educational film, the riffers do pretty well.

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5/7/10

Team Jacob Assemble!

Welcome, won't you?

Mark your calendars and sharpen your wooden stakes. On May 14, 2010, Mike, Bill and Kevin will fulfill their lifelong dream (since 2008) of killing Edward Cullen when they riff Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

In the meantime, they've released another short, titled Families: Food and Eating. I think it's about devouring your young, and other forms of familial cannibalism. Grab it here.

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5/6/10

Kittens VII: After the LOLmageddon

I can haz film crew?Welcome, won't you?

Do you know what kittens are? If so, then Kittens: Birth and Growth was not made with you in mind. Not sure who, exactly, the filmmakers did have in mind. Surely the kitten-ignorant demographic is fairly narrow, even among the kindergarten/first grade age group this film is aimed at. Review here.

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5/5/10

RVOD107 Beginning Responsibility: Taking Care of Your Own Things

(1978, Educational/Short/Children, color)

Riffers:

Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett

The original Toy Story was a lot grittier.

Rating: ***1/2

In a Nutshell:


A sloppy child gets nagged by his animate toys.

Summary:

Could you sleep at night, knowing your pillow was judging you?Reggie wishes his friends would visit more often, but every time they do, they get frustrated because his toys are all broken, missing pieces, or ruined. Sometimes he can’t find them at all. Reggie is, in short, irredeemably messy.

That night, his toys get together and decide to put a stop to this. The bed shakes him off, while the pillow sprouts eyes and lips to harangue him about his poor organization skills. A disheveled and remarkably calm Reggie complies with their demands—gathering, tidying and repairing his things as necessary. Despite the toys’ repeated requests to keep their sentience secret, Reggie spills the beans to his parents instantly. They don’t believe him, but offer him ice cream anyway.

Thoughts:

Reggie is an unkempt, soft-spoken child who seems destined, later in life, to grow a scraggly, salt-and-pepper beard and wear slippers and a bathrobe to work. He will, of course, run a vast, disordered used book store with aisles only eighteen inches wide between shelves that go up to the ceiling. It will have at least seventeen copies of every worthless seventies pulp novel ever written sprinkled throughout the shelves in no particular order. The kind of place you could spend days in, certain that it must have the one obscure book you’re looking for, if only because anyone else who wanted it must have given up by now. Yes, Reggie is that kind of child.

Mike, Bill and Kevin wedge themselves into the proceedings quite nicely. As night (actually, day) falls, Kevin narrates, “The powers of darkness emerged from Reggie’s Lincoln Logs.” When the toys start to talk amongst themselves, Bill notes, “His room’s been infested with bad voice actors.” Many of the sentient toys/clothes/pieces of furniture seem mellow to the point of dispirited. Mike notes this with, “His pajamas overdid it on the Quaaludes.” The film itself is earnest, inept and weird like a low-budget fever dream, and the commentary turns it into an absurd little treasure.

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5/4/10

DTF VII: After the Armageddon

Who indeed...Welcome, won't you?

Most of the really great things in the world are made of rectangles. It's kinda profound, if you really think about it. If you'd rather not think about it, that's okay too. Just watch Drawing For Beginners: The Rectangle, one of a series of Drawing For Beginners shorts featuring DTF: The Circle, DTF: The Triangle and DTF: The Square. I kid you not. Review here.

Also, Rifftrax has released another (presumably lengthy) short for the low, low price of $1.99, provocatively titled Reading: Who Needs It? Grab it here.

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