Hot leg-sweeping action.
Welcome, won't you?

I just saw The Karate Kid, Part III again, and I'm pretty sure my teenage self disliked it because he was bored. As far as he was concerned, screen time without karate was screen time wasted, and by that measure KK3 wastes quite a bit of screen time indeed. Review of the Rifftrax here.

The latest Rifftrax short Vision in the Forest probably doesn't have karate either. It has a man in a bear suit, though, and that's almost as good. Grab it here.

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Filmed in Same-O-Vision

Hot car-waxing action!Welcome, won't you?

Yet another film from my distant past. The Rifftrax this week is for Karate Kid III, which I dimly remember as being just like the first one, only worse. If my relatively indiscriminate past self thought it was bad, I shudder to think what it'll look like to my hypercritical present self. Grab the Rifftrax here.

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There Can Be Only One Not Counting Sequels

There can be as many as the world's indiscriminate SciFi geeks are willing to pay for.Welcome, won't you?

Rifftrax aside, watching Highlander again pretty much ruined it for me. How did I not notice the awful fight choreography last time? I wasn't expecting Crouching Tiger levels of cool, but somehow I remembered it being better than "my kids are whacking each other with the curtain rods again" quality.

The commentary's good, at least, and there's plenty to mock. Review here.

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Who Wants to Live Forever?

There can be only, uh, as many as people are willing to pay for.Welcome, won't you?

A Highlander Rifftrax has been released. I saw it once maybe seventeen or eighteen years ago? Not what I'd call an inspiring film, but it was certainly memorable, in a decapitation-y kind of way. My sister is coming over to watch it with me despite my warnings. She figures that if she could handle Ice Cream Bunny, she can handle this. We'll put that statement to the test tonight.

Also, here's my review of The ABC of Walking Wisely. So, crosswalks then? Yes, crosswalks.

Also, the commentary for Karate Kid III has been scheduled for release one week from today. Look for it on March 22, 2011.

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And the 1-2-3 of Sagaciously Remaining Immobile

No harm, no foul I guess.Welcome, won't you?

Time for a new Rifftrax short, The ABC of Walking Wisely. Perhaps it will be instructive on the use of feet. Grab it here.

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The Land-Hinder

They want / To live / Foreveeerrrrrrrr...Welcome, won't you?

Two more announced Rifftrax left, and now we know which order they'll be in. Next up is the classic decapitation drama Highlander, due out on March 15, 2011.

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We Now Return to Tautology Theater

Oh, you're a CUSTOMER?  I suppose you WANT something then?Basic Job Skills: Dealing With Customers posits that customers are things that exist. It naturally follows that things that exist should be dealt with. Doesn't get any simpler (or more helpful) than that. Review here.

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Hangin' Out Wif Mah Family

SHOCK... and TERROR!Welcome, won't you?

Turns out that Birdemic: Shock and Terror is available for rental on XBox Live. It's the right cut of the movie and plays at the correct speed and everything. (Only downside: it costs about six bucks worth of points). So here's the review, a little earlier than I expected. Don't thank me, thank my most pernicious, time-wasting habit*.

Also, new short! The latest Rifftrax short addresses Basic Job Skills: Dealing With Customers. I hope it's at least as helpful as the last one in the series. Grab it here.


*Gaming, not Rifftrax.

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RVOD153 Vision in the Forest

(1957, Educational/Short, color)


Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy

Pedo-Bear: The Motion Picture

Rating: ***1/2

In a Nutshell:

Respecting the forest pleases Smokey the Billboard Ghost Bear.


Don't just stand there kid, run!
Singing star Vaughn Monroe camps in the wilderness with his family, introducing them to us while singing his hit song, “Riders in the Sky.” His youngest daughter gets bored and wanders away to engage in unspecified wood lore. In the middle of the forest, she comes across a billboard of Smokey the Bear, who springs to life to nod his head wisely at her. She returns to camp, declaring, “Smokey is real!” Mr. Monroe obligingly switches to a song extolling the virtues of a ranger-hatted man in a bear suit.


Bear suits innnn thaaaa skyyyyy...Fire... bad... I’m pretty sure someone mentioned that in passing. Mostly, though, it’s about the environmentalist mascot epiphany of a country singer’s daughter. At five minutes, the short doesn’t have much opportunity to elaborate, so “Smokey is real” is pretty much the beginning and end of the fire safety instruction. Still, it’s a nice song, sung by a man with a nice voice.

For mockery purposes, the quasi-religious reverence offered to a man in a bear suit is a comedy gold mine. Not to mention the fact that most of Vaughn’s family is hideously ugly. When Vaughn introduces his wife, Kevin says, “Played here by the corpse of my grandmother.” Mike notes that they need more sun “to stop resembling the Vampire Council from Twilight.” As the Smokey song continues to the end, Bill says, “Keep singing! Smokey demands your constant tribute!” It’s quite short even for a short film, but it packs a lot of ridiculousness per second.

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